There’s a huge response every time I preach on forgiveness. That tells me that this is where many believers struggle. We’ve all been hurt and have nursed wounds longer than we should. Maybe you’ve replayed the moment a hundred times, thinking of what you wish you’d said or done. Forgiving certain offenses feels impossible in the moment—even justified. But unforgiveness becomes a barrier between us and God. That’s why we need to talk honestly about the spiritual danger of holding a grudge.
D.L. Moody said that the sin of an unforgiving spirit does more to hold back the power of God in a believer’s life than any other sin. Think about the ramifications of that statement. The world desperately needs the Spirit-led influence of God’s Church, yet we lack power because we struggle to forgive.
Why is unforgiveness sinful?
Refusing to forgive is sinful because it contradicts God’s character. He is merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in love. God is the only one with the right to hold a grudge; yet He gave His perfect Son for your freedom and mine. When we withhold forgiveness, we live as though the price Jesus paid to cancel our sin debt means nothing (Colossians 2:13–14).
As His followers, we’re commanded to forgive just as we’ve been forgiven (Matthew 6:14–15; Mark 11:25). Those who’ve been forgiven much should be willing to forgive easily. If you don’t understand that, you’ll continually struggle to forgive those who hurt or offend you.
Why is forgiveness so difficult?
We to think that forgiveness is something we feel and then do. But forgiveness is a choice, not an emotion. It’s a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit—it’s the nature of Christ manifesting Himself in our behavior.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it does mean it’s possible. We can do hard things in the power of the Holy Spirit. But when we shift from depending on the Spirit to reacting in the flesh, things like pride and bitterness get in the way—revealing spiritual immaturity (1 Corinthians 3:1–4).
What are the consequences of not forgiving?
Refusing to forgive has multiple devastating effects on a believer. It restrains God’s forgiveness in your life (Matthew 6:14–15), hinders your prayer life (Mark 11:25), causes a loss of spiritual power (Ephesians 4:30–32), and gives Satan an opportunity to lead you into other sinful thoughts and attitudes (Ephesians 4:26–27).
It also affects you emotionally (Hebrews 12:15). Holding a grudge breeds inner turmoil—like living in a prison of your own making. You simply cannot live in the freedom God intends for you without forgiveness.
How do we cultivate forgiveness?
Learning to forgive starts with prayer. Jesus taught His disciples how to pray, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). In other words, forgiving others should be a habitual part of every believer’s prayer life.
Forgiveness is also a mark of spiritual growth. Proverbs 19:11 tells us, “A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression.” Overlooking an offense isn’t denying it, but simply choosing not to let every irritation or insult control us. Growing in wisdom means knowing the difference between sin that needs to be confronted and minor faults that can be handled with patience.
Will you accept the challenge?
Holding a grudge hurts you more than the person you’re struggling to forgive. But it doesn’t stop there. It also affects your local church and the Church at large because you aren’t walking in the freedom and power of the Holy Spirit.
My prayer is that reading this has given you a clearer biblical perspective on forgiveness. But if you’re still struggling, don’t stop here. We’ve gathered all BKM’s resources on this subject into one place—The Forgiveness Collection—so you can work through these truths at your own pace.
I’m convinced that we’re living in view of the last days. Biblical prophecy is unfolding right before our eyes. The Bride of Christ needs to be engaged, unified, and spiritually strong now more than ever. We simply cannot afford the spiritual danger of holding a grudge.
